This happened to me a few weeks ago. I was in resistance by not accepting the present, balling my eyes out over past hurts, with emotions of regret and blame. There’s nothing inherently wrong with such emotions, and I embrace them. accepting the present
Then, this little voice inside my head hit me with this realisation-
What if what happened should have happened because it happened?
By arguing with what was, you are not accepting the present. But by doing so, you are essentially in resistance to the present. And this resistance will lead you to suffer.
By saying what happened shouldn’t have happened and by making something wrong, you are “right.” Being “right” makes you feel righteous and “good.” Essentially, you are entitled to be “right” and to be the “victim.” (It feels good to be “right” at times, and I slip into this mode from time to time… until I calm down, sit with my emotions, witness my thoughts, and question them.)
There are should haves, could haves, regrets, and blame. By reminiscing on what could have happened, you are replaying the tape of the past, over and over again in your head. You are suffering, because you are attached to these painful thoughts.
But this does not change the fact that the past did happen, and you now have to deal with what happened, because you are not able to change what happened.
What happened cause you to feel what you feel now. Can you accept what is and sit with your feelings as they are? By not accepting the present, you are not present to what this moment has to offer.
There’s nothing inherently wrong with this. But, does this offer you freedom?
After all, what happened led you to where you are now. By not accepting the present, you are not accepting where you are now. You are in resistance to what is.
As I listened to this voice, I breathed a sigh of relief and I softened.
Can you accept what it so, even if you don’t like it? I find that when I do so, my body and emotions soften and I open up.
Perhaps by accepting what is, and feeling your positive and negative emotions, you can then direct your energy to create what you want, because in this state, you are not in resistance. By not being in resistance, you can then focus all your energy into your desires.
That being said, we may want to be compassionate with our fight with reality, because situations such as death, breakups can be very difficult to accept. It is only natural to want to fight what happened especially if the pain is too much to be dealt with. Accepting what is can be very difficult to do, and it is not as easy as someone snapping you out of it by telling you to focus on the positive and be present.
Acceptance can take a lot of time, patience, and emotional release. That being said, eventually, when you are ready, you will learn to accept what happened. And trust this will occur when you are ready.