The Myth of Being “Fully Healed”

Recently, I realized I was still angry at someone from years ago. I felt disposable—the way he demanded my openness, yet was incapable (unwilling, really) of holding me.

When I told my coach, I quoted a well-meaning friend:

“If there’s still anger in you, you’re not fully healed. You need to do more work.”

I believed it (for years).

I thought something was wrong with me for still feeling anger towards that person.

My coach disagreed.

Here’s why:

“Fully healed” is a myth.

It is an impossible standard that sells retreats, courses, and the idea that one day, you’ll wake up “fixed.”

But what does being fully healed even mean? That you’ll never feel anger, grief, or frustration again? That past wounds will never twinge when pressed?

The goal is not to become some untouched, perfected version of yourself.

It is to accept yourself—exactly as you are, including the messy, unresolved parts.

Striving for “healed” keeps you stuck.

If you’re chasing a future version of yourself who’s “over it,” you’re subtly rejecting who you are now.

And that? That’s the opposite of healing.

Some might argue: “Not believing in ‘fully healed’ is just a limiting belief!”

But as my healer pointed out: Striving for it won’t get you there. Because healing isn’t about arriving—it’s about showing up.

Anger isn’t failure. It’s information.

That old anger? It wasn’t proof I was unhealed. It was a reminder: “This hurt mattered. You deserved better.” And acknowledging that? That ishealing.

So if you’re waiting for the day you feel nothing but peace about your past… stop.

You’re already whole. Even when it doesn’t feel like it.

-Lana