The Billion-Dollar Lie That Cost Me (and Millions of Women) 10 Years

For years, I bit my tongue re. boundaries. Why? Because calling out the healing industry’s toxic narrative would piss people off.

But after surviving plant medicine ceremonies that forced me to stare DEATH in the face…I’ve got nothing left to lose. I’ve finally done with hiding. (Yes, that’s also why you haven’t been seeing me posting often.)

I’d rather burn bridges than betray myself ever again.

Let’s dismantle the billion-dollar lie peddled to women in healing spaces.

Here’s the LIE I swallowed: ““Soften. Surrender. Open more.… and you will [fill in the blanks aka have your “dream” life and “love.”]”

Sound familiar?

So, I spent almost a decade contorting into this mold. Every workshop screamed: “You’re not open enough. Not trusting enough. Too rigid!” So I forced myself to “open” and trust more (without avail).

Spoiler: It left me emptier than ever, burned out chasing a dangling carrot on a stick that kept moving.

Even my team of healers pleaded: “Nicole, there’s nothing wrong with you!”
But I didn’t believe them. I still blamed my own discernment — the voice that said HELL NO to sketchy situations and soul-sucking vampires.

The Toxic Truth About the “Healing” Industry:

Many workshops, books, and gurus hammered the same message:
“You’re not open enough. Not trusting enough. Too rigid.”

So I pathologized my greatest strength—my discernment.

The voice that said HELL NO to sketchy parties, pushy partners, and energy vampires. The part of me that protected me.

Then during a dance ceremony, mama aya slapped me awake:

My distrust wasn’t the problem. It was the PROTECTION. Boundaries aren’t the enemy of love. They’re the FOUNDATION.

Why? Because you can’t gaslight yourself into “oneness” while ignoring red flags.

Because “surrendering” without boundaries isn’t spiritual — it’s SELF-BETRAYAL.

The healing industry’s dirty secret? They profit by keeping you in a loop of ‘not enough.’ If they told you you’re already whole, you’d stop buying their courses.

3 truths I wish I’d learned sooner:

1. Discernment is a SUPERPOWER — not a wound.
   (The right people won’t fear your boundaries. They’ll respectthem.)
2. “Surrender” without boundaries is spiritual bypassing.
   (Ever notice how “trust the plan” sometimes benefits someone else’s agenda?)
3. Stop chasing softness.
   (The goal isn’t to become a “healed girl” archetype. It’s to become unapologetically WHOLE — shadows, edges, and all.)

The Paradox No One Talks About:

When you stop gaslighting yourself into ignoring red flags…That’s when real transformation begins.

Because here’s the kicker:

The more you honor your boundaries, the safer your nervous system feels to soften.

The Toxic Twist:

The industry will never tell you you’re “done.”

Why? Healed clients don’t pay.

(Yes, healing = evolution, which is lifelong+ — but constantly pathologizing your humanity is not healing. That’s exploitation.)

Your Invitation:

If you’re tired of…

– Being told you need to be “softer” “open” more etc to get the love you want
– Performing “softness” for male approval (Stop putting me in a box!)
– Spending thousands on courses that only deepen self-doubt

Let’s rewrite the script.

👉 Join me in shadow work that actually liberates

👉 Get first access to my new program (Launch on the way)

Closing Thought:

I am not sure if you need another workshop on “opening your heart.”

You need permission to trust yourself — even when it means walking away.

Because the greatest love? It does not ask you to abandon yourself.

P.S. If this piece pissed you off (or set you free), hit reply or leave a comment below. I read every email.